i am trying my best to savage wat is left of me.... but apparently nothing good will come out again.... i fear so tat maybe i should just not get involved with anything or anyone again... there is a chinese saying u suffer wat u do... maybe i am fated to be like this... i dun wan to hurt anyone else again nor i wanna hurt myself again... when i thought this gal would change my life... well i guess it did made a difference.... another scar to my heart... another person i love and care for leave me.... another deep hurt.... maybe if its better when u didnt get the sweetness of somthing and u wont fear of losing tat somthing.... or maybe i should just end my life? haiz... watever happens... i just wanna tell her how much i love her.. yet she always told me its just words.... it doesnt show anything... yet each time i try my best to make her feel tat i love her alot... wasnt those 3 words suppose to mean when its said? anywayz these few days had been bad for me again.... i dunno if i am able to take it and carry on living...for those fren who see this maybe will think i am crazy.... maybe i am... as like i said in my previous entries... my life had never been a happy one... a mental breakdown for me huh? geez i dunno... but watever the case i am trying my best not to hurt her further.... or should i hold onto her? there was a time when i truely felt so happy with her... a time when i thought its time my life is changing.... when i thought God had made me suffer so many years and now returning me my happiness.... but apparently another evil plot of his.... i hope a savage in this... hope for the better... and a hope to end my life sooner to end all my sufferings in me....

another dark memory